Love Marriage or Arrange? And Why?

Lish

Arranged marriage!
Because...70% of the love marriages dont last
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"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life:
It Goes On..."

Erich

Amen to that! I'd take an arranged marriage over a "love" marriage any day.

quantum

Look at the countries where arranged marriages take place usually. Countries like India, Pakistan, Bangladesh. They already have a strong social binding. So it is no wonder arranged marriages last more.

Another resaon: Love marriage means both parties involved are more experienced about man-woman relationships. They have seen most of it. Their interests quickly diminish. There is not much to know about each other after the marriage.

Love marriage can be better if it is real true love. Not infatuation. When two souls truly understand each other and want each other, there are few things more beautiful than that. Ultimately: what matters in a love relationship is if both have the Same Conception of what love is. Not similar taste or profession or social status. What do each think, his/her lover should do when he/she loves the other. That is what count, me thinks. Gentle smile

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Belal

to my opinion, there is nothing (except religion) as constant. no one can surely say that this is the case and it will go on...... or it is right to all.....etc.

i think everyting depends on the person who is the patient of this topic. who need a definite treatement or operation. though, i don't like to miss one point, whenever i told (i think it heppens to almost everyone) that it depends on the person, then almost time the person who is hearing that sentence, thinks, yes, i m different person and so whatever i m thinking is right.........to me it's one of the wrong ideas in his/her life that he/she ever thought. my suggesstion....in this case........judge urself by others (especially, who r responsibilites consious, known as relatively correct people, no matter if they r less respected) not by urself (or ur friends).

offfffff, lots of world ranking belal's phelosophies
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we've lot of things to think abt curr probs
so, i don't have time to think abt religion or wonder of sceice .......... how ppl can waste their time like this?

Lish

Erich wrote:

Amen to that! I'd take an arranged marriage over a "love" marriage any day.

Ya ok..u have only answered one question.
The 2nd question is...Why...?
_________________

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life:
It Goes On..."

Lish

My reason for choosing Arrange Marriage would be...

Well...1stly in love marriage u can fall out of love. Like when we date nowadays...we break up & fall for another person. But in arranged marriages you start loving a person after you are already tied in a relationship. So its easier to accept them. While in love marrage you tend to wonder alot and sometimes it could just be lust which we mistake for love....the mistakes you make in love marriages by rushing into a relationship too fast...mistaking infactuation for love. But in arranged marriages you are trusting your parents & then the trust is already there to start the relationship with.In arranged marriages there is no lust...& even if there is after marriage fort he person you are married too. Your mind wonders less!
_________________

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life:
It Goes On..."

quantum

But in arranged marriages you start loving a person after you are already tied in a relationship. So its easier to accept them.

This is true, if not unacceptable by someone who has a strong inclination towards free will. It is certainly humiliating to be forced to love someone. But if one likes to be forced and led by others' choices I guess he will do just fine.

I have no objection against either kind of marriage. What one would ultimatley do, depends on parameters that vastly outweigh these premature notions. When the thunder falls on yea, there is no way out.

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payel3

quantum wrote:

But in arranged marriages you start loving a person after you are already tied in a relationship. So its easier to accept them.

This is true, if not unacceptable by someone who has a strong inclination towards free will. It is certainly humiliating to be forced to love someone. But if one likes to be forced and led by others' choices I guess he will do just fine.

I have no objection against either kind of marriage. What one would ultimatley do, depends on parameters that vastly outweigh these premature notions. When the thunder falls on yea, there is no way out. :smt003

you are right!!! arranged marriaged family are too happy to live on earth.

just look at those marriage, how many of those women are happy?? tell me about it. i have grown up in a village just seeing, all those women complaning how they aren't happy and how they are just living like this for the sake of their children. not only in villege, here in USA, i see it too. i am not against that arranged marriage but those family members should know little more and should take the consent of their daughter and son before giving them marriage. why is there a separation saying love and arranged marriage??? a marriage should be arranged that has love in it??? if these aren't there, then there isn't a marriage at all. there is no marriage Ms. Lish, without the consent of a girl, and if there is such marriage then it is not valid, it is not marriage, the girl has alright to leave. but look at that society in Bangladesh, how many of those girls are happy in their marriage? give me the statistics. sometimes, i feel or even i cry seeing those women complaning and crying and so on. You guys think those stupid arranged marriages are happy family and 75 % of them or whatever you guys said??? wow!!! i guess. love one has nothing in it. well! what is that love thing. a 13 year girl marrying a 15 year boy? hello, they are just kid, they have no knowledge of that marriage thing and love thing. what they do is just lust thing. they like the lovely face of each others and want to kiss and hug that's all. they don't know what is family and what it takes and how important it is to have things in common in a wife and husband??? those love marriage aren't happy either unless you are talking about some older people one and same goes to that arranged marriage one too.

why separation as arranged marriage and love marriage??? it is a stupid thing to say. marriage relationship must have love in it and a men must love the women and women must love the men otherwise why is that marriage for, just for fight. give me break sis lish.

just go to some families around where you live okay, and ask those families how so sweetly they are living. okay. and you guys watch bangla TV i guess, i don't but sometimes i do, or used to do that. the only thing you see is that a husband hitting his wife ??? tell me about that arranged marriage? maybe you blame media, well so do i blame it. but some families situation are like that. sis Lish.

do not separate the arranged marriage from love marriage and love marriage from arranged one??? if anyone of your parents deny you access to the boy you are going to marry to know, just leave when you are being married to him if the marriage was without your consent (if you are muslim though, because that marriage is not valid at all.) okay.

you know what people in USA think about bangladesh, pakistan and india? they only think that there are girls age of 12, are forced to get marry???
did you read shabanu? i did not but it is about this issue. i do not like to read that thing after seeing it too much now.

good luck for my sisters at least since the men has over powered themsleves over the women and use them like slave girl. what a thing on earth???

quantum

You made a very good point Payel. I totally agree with you that parents should arrange marriage between two persons who love each other. And that's where our problem is. Most of our parents think that just because two persons love each other, they are wrong and so they would do anything to prevent their marriage! Although, it is possible that the couple are really wrong in their choosing. But that is not a rule. Loving another person before one gets married is not wrong by default. And even when the marriage is totally arranged by the parents, the persons involved should be let have the chance to know each other at least minimum before everything is final.

//Payel, lish is not from BD though. She lives in singapore.
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payel3

quantum wrote:

You made a very good point Payel. I totally agree with you that parents should arrange marriage between two persons who love each other. And that's where our problem is. Most of our parents think that just because two persons love each other, they are wrong and so they would do anything to prevent their marriage! Although, it is possible that the couple are really wrong in their choosing. But that is not a rule. Loving another person before one gets married is not wrong by default. And even when the marriage is totally arranged by the parents, the persons involved should be let have the chance to know each other at least minimum before everything is final.

//Payel, lish is not from BD though. She lives in singapore.

yes, quan but the problem is that those parents do not know some of the things. you see. maybe you will not agree with me. i said this from my belief point of view. and from that point of view those parents need to know some of the informations. if they knew they wouldn't do it. but why bother, some of them just like fanatic, they are just too much and so on. what can i say??? i am tired of those stuffs.

Quote:

Most of our parents think that just because two persons love each other, they are wrong and so they would do anything to prevent their marriage!

yes, quan you right. but there should be that point too. some young teenager don't really choose the right person though. maybe your age, adults will be right to pick the right person for themselves. but not like me or some of the people younger than i am. like i used to be.
the parents have right to prevent when they see the child didn't pick the right person. but they over rule sometimes, picking on wealth, race, nationality, tribe and whatever those are. i really bother to see those. but it is the tradition they follow.

Quote:

And even when the marriage is totally arranged by the parents, the persons involved should be let have the chance to know each other at least minimum before everything is final.

you are absolutely right. i don't understand why don't they do it. it is like they are marrying (sorry to say like that) and we are just dol or something. i feel like question those parents, are you marrying and is my life yours or it is my marriage and this life is my and i will suffer if things are wrong.

brother, whatever you say or other say, i don't like that separation as arranged marriage or love marriage, marriage must have both, love and arrangement. if one is absent, most probably the marriage relationship will not be happy. and if the husband and wife don't like each other, it won't be happy either and if they fail to follow and do each of them duty, the family will not be happy. we need to know all those.

the mind of both person should be alike, in their belief, way of life and so on. then the relationship will be great and they will have happiness.

those parents need something and those young kids need some philosophy and reasoning ideas too, then they will question and find the right person for themseleves and will tell the parents to arrange for them marriage and then there is love and arrangement.
isn't it???

but what happen when the child says such: they go on looking for stupid stuffs. what a thing???

quantum

Yeap. Although, it should be the way as you say. Marriages should be arranged between the two people who love each other. Often times it becomes very difficult and even contradictory because of the social constraints and stibbornness of either party. Anyway, one thing I always say that in a love relationship, the most important thing is whether both persons' idea of love is the same. What they think, love is. And what they expect out of love.
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payel3

quantum wrote:

Yeap. Although, it should be the way as you say. Marriages should be arranged between the two people who love each other. Often times it becomes very difficult and even contradictory because of the social constraints and stibbornness of either party. Anyway, one thing I always say that in a love relationship, the most important thing is whether both persons' idea of love is the same. What they think, love is. And what they expect out of love.

i think two person don't agree on that love thing often. therefore, that love marriage like people separated from arranged one breaks down. like my sociology teacher says all the time, it is not love but lust that you practice.

i think it is quite right. what do you say quan?

quantum

Quote:

it is not love but lust that you practice.

i think it is quite right. what do you say quan?

I'd say it is not a good idea to generalize things like that. It all depends on the individual persons involved. Whereas this is difficult to see or find, such understanding is not unheard of.
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payel3

quantum wrote:

Quote:

it is not love but lust that you practice.

i think it is quite right. what do you say quan?

I'd say it is not a good idea to generalize things like that. It all depends on the individual persons involved. Whereas this is difficult to see or find, such understanding is not unheard of.

you are absolutely right quan, i don't really like that point much. it is the feeling and we are just using a word to represent it. i don't understand why he says it like that.
one my classmate asked when he was saying it that what about "miss" then. he said it is a feeling and it is okay but not love. it is not the right word.
who knows.

quantum

I guess what he is talking about is infatuation. The difference between love and infatuation is that infatuations are temporary and usually it originates not from an overall attraction to the person but for some particular quality.
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